Emily's Questions, Part One

Emily over at "Wheels on the Bus" asked me some great interview questions a LONG time ago. I'm still behind on blogging my current and past activities, but I probably always will be. All that to explain why I am just now getting around to it. I liked her questions. She took some time with thinking of them, so I need to thank her by answering them.
Her blog, "Wheels on the Bus" is on my sidebar. If you love great writing and can handle her intense life story, please go take a look. I wouldn't recommend the read for kids. Some heavy stuff goes on over there, but she's a gifted writer with a story to tell. She's NOT letting her past hurts rule her life and might really inspire you, so go see! Oh, and it's funny sometimes too!
OK, now, here's the deal. Emily was interviewed, and then asked others if they wanted to be interviewed. I begged for one and am sharing the answers now. If you want me to interview you, just ask and I will pick five questions for you to answer. When you answer, just link back here and do the same for your readers!
Also, I'm very wordy. I like to see myself type, I guess, so I am doing one question at a time because my answers are so long. Here goes!



1) You write a lot about your family. Please tell me about a friend of yours who has (or had) a significant impact on your life.
There are so many, but they seem to come and go in my life as quickly as spring and fall in the south. Every person I meet has an effect on me, so it is hard to focus on just one.
OK, ok, ok. I’ll try.
I did a lot of growing up in college and in “after-college” life. I dated a guy in college (who I thought was the pinnacle of the male species). He was patient with my extremely shy nature (I know – I don’t seem so shy here!) and bit by bit broke down a massive, angry wall within me and I began to believe in Christ. I’m not going to go all Jesus preachin’ on you. I just have to say that it made a HUGE impact on everything. Inside of me, my mind, everything, is totally different. If you want to know more about that, ask. If not, that’s OK. No altar calls here.
After that, we began dating. I was SURE we would marry. So was he. We were, in fact, the perfect couple, right?
After a very, very tumultuous, but passionate, dating period over a span of a year and then some, we broke up. He began to date my former roommate, a beautiful, tall, thin opera singer. It broke me, but God was still there. I just couldn't see past my own nose. I didn't really want to eat (which, if you know me, that’s serious!). I had no energy. I couldn't sleep, but I couldn't wake up. Those feelings intensified as I watched the two of them dance their way through campus together on a blanket of love and flowers.
For me, everyday was like trying to look through a window, but not being able to see because of a dirty, gray curtain sheer. My view of everything was obscured. I don’t know when I have ever cried that deeply, my face pressed to the floor, unable to stand. It was more than the boy, more than the betrayal of a former friend and former roommate, more than the world’s lack of understanding, more than the shaking of faith. It was more than I could handle. I shut down. I stopped smiling. I stopped talking. I stopped. I functioned, but roboticly. Funny, it was actually October, this time of year, when it all came to a head.
I don’t remember when or if we arranged a meeting. I just remember sobbing while driving back to the dorm after a babysitting job one afternoon. I composed myself, but as I walked from the parking lot to the dorm I saw her and I fell apart again. I remember a hug and being able to cry WITH someone. It was OK to cry. I didn't have to hide. She knew I hurt.
She and I met up with another friend. No one was angry. No one called me dramatic. No one told me to get over it. Grow up. It’s just a guy. Things’ll get better. You’ll see. Just smile and the world will smile with you! No, none of that. We left campus. We may have gone to get something to eat. We may have gone for a walk, I don’t remember. The basic message I do re member was, “You need help. This is not ok. This is not normal. It is ok to have help. It is ok.”
I don’t know if you have ever experienced this as a child, or have done this with your own child, but it felt something like this: After a huge scare, be it a scraped knee, car accident, fall of the monkey bars, swallowing too much water in the pool, whatever. Someone holds you in their lap tightly, as you shudder from the intensity of your now ceased crying. They smooth your hair, tell you it will be ok. They give you a drink of something, apple juice maybe. You’re tired. Exhausted. But you know you are safe. That’s what it felt like. It was scary, but I was going to be ok. Just rest and know you will be ok.
She made an appointment for me, went with me. If she had not, I would not have followed through.
One day, a month or so later, I was walking back to the dorm room after a class. The trees were bare and the sky a little overcast. I heard a bird sing. It was a pretty, cheerful little song. I enjoyed it as I walked along the path.
Wait. I heard a bird sing. It was pretty. I smiled.
I realized the curtain sheer was gone. I could see. I could see what everything really was. Praise God.
I haven’t been the same since. But I don’t know if I ever thanked her.
So, thank you.

So, because of the boy, I gained Christ. The dissolving of that relationship crushed and changed me. It really hurt. It dredged up a lot of other hurts, too. The floodgate of denial burst open and knocked me over. I stayed down. I sank further. A friend was brave and offered me a hand and a leg up. And when I stayed down, laying there, He picked us both up.

If the pain had not happened, if I had not met them both, if God had not moved her to see past my selfish, dramatic nature, I don't know who or where I would be now. If I had to do it all over again, truthfully, I would not change a thing. Well, I would have the former roommate-girl-person have a third nostril, or something, maybe. A wart on her lip, something. But, whatever.

So there's the non-blood related, non-family impacters. Boy, Friend, God.